Angel Dust
by C.R.B.K.E
Summary: Summary: Feeling nearly alone in life, a wounded hikari finds a way to go numb... a method for numbness so dangerous, it could mean death. Can a yami's love save him? Bakura/Ryou
1. Chapter One

Angel Dust  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Yugioh. I also don't own Mamoru; he's from Sailor Moon. I only own Akito.  
  
Warnings: This fic deals with the use of PCP (or phencyclidine), a drug sold on the streets under names such as angel dust, ozone, wack, and rocket fuel. For more info, email me at jll1z2@aol.com and I will send you a link with information about drugs and their affects.   
  
*** Normal POV***  
  
*Flashback/intro*  
  
Ryou Bakura walked through the crowd, dodging the drunken dancers that filled Otogi's mansion. He moved through the room and reached a dark, secluded corner. When he had settled into a beanbag chair, Mamoru, from his English class, walked over and handed him a glass of punch.  
  
Moments later, Mamoru pulled a bottle out of his jacket pocket. He undid the child safety cap, and popped one of the small, white tablets into his mouth. "Hey, Ryou, try this," he said, and handed the bottle to Ryou.  
  
"What is it?" Ryou asked innocently, though his words were slightly slurred.  
  
"It's something you'll like," Mamoru answered, and Ryou took one of the tiny tablets out of the bottle, unknowingly giving himself his first experience with "angel dust".  
  
*End Flashback/Intro*  
  
The following Monday, Ryou walked into class and sat in his seat near the back. He looked towards the middle of the room, and noticed Mamoru sitting at his desk. He swiftly scribbled something on a half-sheet of paper, then folded it and slid it into an empty pill bottle. He twisted the cap on the bottle and tossed it into the air. The container soared to the direct center of the classroom and Mamoru caught it. He read the note and stuffed it into his coat pocket, looking toward Ryou and nodding.  
  
That day at lunch, Ryou went from the classroom to Mamoru's locker. Mamoru closed his locker, took one look at Ryou's agitated state, and immediately said, "Come on. I'll introduce you to Akito. He can hook you up." He started walking down the hallway, and Ryou followed.  
  
Ryou trailed Mamoru through a door, and saw a shadowy figure in the corner of the men's room. The figure stepped out of the shadows, and glares at Mamoru. "I thought I told you not to bring strange little boys in here," the figure snarled menacingly.  
  
"Yeah, but he's not strange. His name is Ryou, and he needs angel dust." Mamoru replied coolly. "Ryou, this is Akito. He can supply you with whatever you need to numb your mind." Mamoru looked at Akito callously. "I'll leave you two to work something out."  
  
"So, you're into ozone. Well, that can be costly. How much cash do you have?" Akito asked in a sinister tone of voice.  
  
"I can get whatever you want," Ryou said quietly, in his innocent voice, remembering the ATM and credit cards his father had left him on the first time he left for a dig so that he would have money. Cards he never used, so he knew he had the cash.  
  
"Pills or powder?" Akito questioned frigidly.  
  
Whichever, or both, it doesn't really matter," Ryou said, looking straight into Akito's dark, forest-green eyes, "just get me what I need."  
  
"Alright, meet me at the arcade after school, and bring money," Akito muttered, slipping back into the shadows. "I suggest you leave now, if you want to eat."  
  
"Okay," Ryou said, as he quietly exited the restroom.  
  
As soon as school ended, Ryou rushed to the arcade stopping at an ATM on the way and withdrawing 200 dollars. He entered the arcade, and looked around for Akito. Remembering his last encounter with the dealer, Ryou headed towards the restroom in the back of the building. He went into the restroom, and looks directly into the cold eyes of Akito. "What have you got?" Ryou asked softly.  
  
Akito pulled a bottle, filled a fourth of the way with colorful tablets, out of one pocket and a smaller bottle, filled halfway with a white powder, from the other. "How much money do you have?" Akito asks enigmatically.  
  
"Around two hundred, sound fair?" Ryou responded with a question of his own, while pulling the money from his pocket.  
  
"Yeah, here." Akito hands Ryou the angel dust, and takes his money. "That should last you awhile, but when you run out, I'll be here." Akito slides towards the shadows. "See ya." [If this were a movie, I'd cue dark music and evil laughter.]  
  
The snowy haired angel we call Ryou left the arcade, and walked home, his deadly purchase known as angel dust in his pocket. As he entered his home, he blocked off his link to his yami, making it impossible for Bakura to know what he was doing. He opened the bottle of pills and took a small lilac colored tablet. Shortly later, as the effects kicked in, his breathing rate increased, Ryou reveled in his new state of numbness.  
  
As the weeks went on, Ryou continued to use angel dust, repeatedly closing off his link to his yami in order to enjoy the numbness caused by the drug. When his body built a tolerance to PCP, Ryou only increased the amount. The innocent angel began to lie to his friends, so that he could continue using the drug. As the angel dust ate away the pain of life, it also ate away his innocence, and life slowly decapitated everything Ryou had ever known to be real, twisting his world into impossible shapes.  
  
* (yami) Bakura's POV *  
  
Something's wrong with my aibou. Well, not necessarily wrong, but something's different. The change happened weeks ago, when he first blocked our link. I still haven't figured it out. I knew something was up when he started blocking the link almost daily, but what? What secret is my tenshi keeping from me?  
  
He's seemed normal, whenever I exit the ring. A few times he looked sick, and our link had been closed off completely in those times. A few other times, he was slightly jumpy, and kind of snappy. Then, there was that time when he yelled something along the lines of, "Save me from the pink elephants!" Maybe he's going insane, but if he is, I don't think it's the good kind of insane; I mean, Malik never yells about pink elephants.  
  
I still love him though.  
  
Speaking of loving him... How can I tell my light I love him, if he's closing my connection to him? For all I know, he could have a boyfriend, and that's why the link is closed. Or (and I shudder to think) he could have a girlfriend. Not that I think he has a girlfriend. I mean sure, he's cute, but his sweaters just scream, "I like men".  
  
Why isn't he being open with me? I know in the past I wasn't exactly perfect. Okay, I'll admit, I was horrible. I cant blame him if he doesn't fully trust me, what with taking over his body against his will to steal the millennium items and all that. But we had moved past that a long time ago, at least I think we did. So, why is he keeping me out, when we agreed to be more open?  
  
What could be so bad that he can't tell me? I'm the dark half, so I can take it. I was made to handle pain and trouble. I was sealed away to protect him, according to Yami and all his friends, so why do I get the feeling that it's too late? I feel like I've already failed him again.  
  
It didn't help when I woke up this morning to an empty house, and no connection. I understand that he has school, but he never used to close our bond while he was away. What could he be doing that he doesn't want me to know? What could be going on in his mind? Is he forgetting me?  
  
I may not understand what's going on, but I love my hikari. So, I'm going to sit here, in his living room, and wait for him to return. Because I love him, and I wish I could tell him, before this secret of his devours him completely. Ryou, what's been going on with you lately?  
  
It's five o'clock now, and my hikari still isn't home. It used to be that right now, we'd be sitting in the kitchen. He would be eating, and I would be watching him eat. Also, making sure he did eat, seeing as he's always been so skinny. That has always been a concern of mine, ever since I realized I could see his ribs. Each individual bone showed, and I made him promise to try and gain some weight, and also to eat more.  
  
Not that I have to watch him eat. No, my hikari always keeps his promises. At least, he did. I wouldn't know anymore. He's blocked me so much, that last night, while I held his sleeping body, I wondered if he even was truly innocent anymore. I immediately wiped the thought from my mind, but as I sit here at the table, alone, it creeps back into my skull.  
  
I wish it wouldn't. I'd prefer not to think of what he could be doing. But then again, I need to know. Does he realize that? Has he even thought about me? Is he even coming home this time, or is he laying dead in an ally somewhere? I wish I wasn't so pessimistic, so dark; wish I had his innocence. If I did, these thoughts of his precious body, broken and mangled, wouldn't haunt me. Most of all, though, I wish I had him here in my arms, telling me how school went.  
  
That's another thing that changed. Instead of telling me about school, he's started calling Yugi to ask about assignments. (Then writing everything on a pad of paper, so he knew what to do.) It's like he doesn't even remember what he does in school anymore. He also started to bring home papers that had horrible grades, failing several classes.  
  
Yet, he acts has if he doesn't care that his life is falling apart around him, in turn slowly destroying my life as well.  
  
Ryou's POV  
  
Where am I? Kami-sama, I wish Bakura was here. He'd know where home is. I almost open our link, but then I stop myself. If I open the link, he'll feel how numb my mind is, and want to know why. I can't let him know what I've been doing.  
  
No matter what, he can't find out. He always used to call me weak, and he believed it too. He thought I was pathetic. What would he think if he knew I've become dependent on a drug? I've become weak enough to let my life be controlled by pills and powder. I've let myself become numb.  
  
The thing is, I don't really care. I don't care that I can't remember how I got to wherever I am. I don't care that I have to call Yugi to get the homework. I don't care that I can't remember if I've eaten today.  
  
Okay, that's a lie. I do care that I can't remember if I've eaten. I promised my yami I would, but it's not that bad. I'll probably eat when I get home anyway. My yami will sit across from me at the table, and watch me eat, as intently as always... Making sure I eat every bite.  
  
He's always done that, ever since he realized that I'm malnourished. Just like he's always tried to protect me from others. I doubt he thought he would have to protect me from myself.  
  
So now, because I took a chance at a party that changed my life, I'm lost in the middle of Kami-knows-where, and I'm wandering around, hoping I'll find something that looks familiar. Anything, to help me find my way home. Where I'm safe from the giant pink elephant that won't leave my alone.  
  
I'm starting to think it's a good thing the angel dust numbs my mind. Otherwise, I'd be in a state of pure panic by now. I wish I were at home a lot more often. Home is where my yami is. Bakura... Does he realize how safe he makes me feel, now that he's not so evil anymore?  
  
It's almost like I love him. I think I do, but I have so much angel dust in my system that I can't be sure. I wish I could... If only my mind weren't so hazed. But I do know this: I feel safe in his arms, safe enough to sleep, without worrying that he'll push me to the floor.  
  
Is that what love is? Knowing that no matter what, you'll be safe, as long as he's there to hold you? Just feeling that he'll never let you go, and will protect you from anything as long as you let him? I think the dust is wearing off, I'm starting to make since. And the thing is, I just realized; I love Bakura. I love my yami. But how can I tell him I love him? He'd never love me if he knew about the angel dust.  
  
***End of Chapter One***  
  
::strange person pops up out of nowhere:: Hello all! I happen to be the beta reader for this wonderful, angst-and-romance-esque fic!! ::bows:: I am the talented Ryoubakurafan013!! ::snigger:: Well, okay, not TOO talented... Some of you may know me from my Ryou/Bakura angst fics, which aren't as good as this one, but in case you don't know me... ::nervous laughter:: Now you do! ANYWAY! This is NOT my fic, but my friend's-CRBKE. She is a little older than me, and extremely gifted in the ways of writing. Unfortunately, she can't be online right now, so I get to post this for her under her penname!! ::feels special:: Could I possibly ask you to leave a few nice reviews for her?? I know she'd appreciate them!! And we'll be back to this soon... unlike me, where I write 20-page chapters that take me a month to write... ::giggle:: So what are you waiting for? Review this and tell Kira how well she wrote this first chapter, please! ::wave wave:: 


	2. Chapter Two

Ryoubakurafan013: Yay! Another chapter written, beta-ed, and posted! We're so good! Thank you all for the reviews; they really made Kira happy!! And that makes me happy. And when everyone is happy, good things happen. ANYWAY! This is what c.r.b.k.e. wanted to say to you all, so I'll shut up and let you read now.  
  
Hey people, C.R.B.K.E. here; yes its actually me, not my beta and best friend [that lives in my state] Ryoubakurafan013. She might post this for me, but I figured I'd talk for a bit. I know my chapters are short but the story could have been a one shot the way it's planned out. But there is going to be a sequel. That and I couldn't wait to get it online. It's my first posted story! I'm so happy I finally posted something. Well I didn't post it, but its on the web, so yippee!!!!!!  
  
Anyway, disclaimers and warnings from chapter one apply.  
  
*****Bakura's POV*****  
  
Ryou's still not home yet. He's late really, really late. The sun has just set. If Ryou had been home, we would have watched the sunset together. He would have spent the whole sunset rambling about life, and I would have pretended to watch it, when I was really watching him.  
  
I'm really starting to worry. Before, it was mostly just myself, being lonely and jealous, thinking that he could have been off with some other guy, or (squirm) a girl. But now that he's more than an hour late for dinner, I'm more than worried. I'm terrified for my hikari; terrified that he really is lying in a street, bruised and broken.  
  
If he's not home in ten minutes, I'm going to look for him. If he's not in perfect health when I find him, I'll. I don't know what I'll do. Right now, I feel so helpless. I'm just praying to Ra he's all right. Praying he hasn't died on me.  
  
Ryou, please don't leave me. I need you. Come home, and we'll have hot chocolate before going to bed. Then I'll tuck us in and hold you while you sleep, just please be alive. Please, be okay. Please, hikari.  
  
Ryou's POV  
  
I feel like I've been walking for days. It's dark outside, and I still don't know where I am. I'm looking for anything that looks like it'll get me home. The angel dust wore off completely a while ago, and I don't have anymore on me to stop the rising panic.  
  
The fear that I'll spend eternity wandering the streets is rising in me. I think I'm praying. It's been awhile since I've prayed. I'm asking Kami- sama to help me find one familiar thing, even if it's only a sign of some sort. Just as long as it helps me find my way home.  
  
I turn to my left and walk down the street, trying to look calm, as I continue to panic. I make a few more random turns before thinking to look at the street signs. I guess I'm still a little hazy. I read the sign and as the words register, I smile.  
  
I'm a few blocks from Yugi's, and he can call Bakura and have him pick me up. I'm freezing cold; I've been outside from the moment school ended, and it's almost winter. I haven't been very smart today, getting lost and freezing myself to death.  
  
I walk towards the game shop, stumbling a few times, as I realize how cold I really am. I think I can make it without passing out. I finally, after what seems like forever, reach the door of the shop and ring the bell. As the door opens, I collapse and, shuddering from the cold, my world goes black.  
  
Yugi's POV  
  
I open the door, and to my surprise Ryou collapses on me. "Yami!" I yell, knowing something's wrong. My yami walks into the room, and looks at Ryou, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"What happened to him aibou?" Yami asks, as he takes Ryou from my arms and moves him to the couch.  
  
"I don't know. But he's freezing cold." I go to the closet, and pull out a few blankets. I return to the living room to find Yami arranging Ryou against the pillows. I bring the blankets over, and we cover him tightly from his toes to his chin.  
  
"Should we call Bakura?" Yami tucks Ryou in.  
  
"What do you mean 'should we'? We have to. Bakura's his yami." I walk towards the phone, and start dialing the number.  
  
"But what if he's why Ryou's like this?" I feel Yami's familiar arms wrap around me.  
  
"We have to believe he didn't do anything." I dial the last couple of numbers and listen as the phone rings.  
  
Bakura's POV  
  
I'm seconds from leaving the house, when the phone rings, stopping me in my tracks. I almost ignore the darn thing, but it could be Ryou, so I walk to the phone and answer it.  
  
It's Ryou's friend Yugi, and he asks me to come over, saying something about Ryou. As his words register, I realize my hikari is at his house... unconscious. I silently thank Ra that he's alive.  
  
I tell Yugi I'll be right there, and hang up the phone. I leave our house, pulling on my coat, and grabbing one for Ryou.  
  
I walk to the game shop as fast as I can. When I get there, I realize Yami must have been waiting for me, because he opens the door before I even get within ten feet of it.  
  
I hurry through the door, and pull off my coat, before glancing around for my hikari. "Where is he?" I say, while moving towards that back of the game shop.  
  
Living room." Upon hearing those words, I move straight to the abovementioned room, looking for my light. I walk through the door of the room to see Yugi fawning over Ryou's prone body, which is covered by blankets.  
  
Walking over to the couch, I sit on the floor in the lotus position. I'm near the middle of his body, and I rest my head against his arms. His body is icy cold; I can feel the chill through the blankets and his sweater. Even though the coldness of his body scares me internally, I thank Ra again for returning him to me alive.  
  
I sit like this for a while, before Yami's deep voice startles me out of my reverie. "What did you do to him?" The former pharaoh shocks me with his accusation.  
  
"Nothing." I'm steaming; how dare he assume I hurt my hikari? "I haven't seen him all day. I've been worried sick!" I feel as if my heart has been ripped in two. If they think that I caused him to roam the streets for hours, what else will they think I've done?  
  
"Why? What about your link?" Yugi's innocent question almost causes me to break down. He probably never blocks his link to Yami. Yami probably knows he loves him, while I have a heart filled with fear that my feelings are unreturned.  
  
"He's been blocking it lately." I lift my head from Ryou's arms and stare into Yugi's amethyst eyes. "It's kind of like he forgot I exist." Yugi's eyes fill with empathetic sorrow. "It's like I never did." I bury my head in my arms, thrown across Ryou's body and whimper inside of my soul as Yugi rubs my back.  
  
Ryou's POV  
  
I feel.warmer. Like my body's been covered. It probably has been, knowing Yugi. I open my eyes slowly as I wake up, blinking as the harsh artificial light falls in my eyes.  
  
I try to sit up. but there's something on top of me, holding me down. I look towards my middle, only to see my yami with his arms and upper body thrown across me. "Yami?" My question causes him to look up, and the next thing I know, my body is wrapped in his strong embrace.  
  
"Don't you ever do that to me again!" Bakura's sharp voice interrupts my thoughts, and I lift my face from my shirt. I look over his shoulder, and see Yugi's yami looking at me, as if he knows I have a secret. His crimson eyes are almost completely curious, asking me what's up.  
  
I blink at him innocently, but the suspicion's still in his gaze. I shiver, and my yami removes his arms, placing a hand on my forehead. "You're burning up," he states, as he lays me back down.  
  
*Bakura's POV*  
  
My hikari has a fever, and as a rush of memories hits me. Fear pierces my heart. Fevers have always meant death. I know that many things have changed over time, but that dark memory will always haunt me, affecting my thought process on dangerous levels.  
  
I still remember the moans of the dieing as the fever spread throughout the cities. I don't want my hikari to go through that. I don't want to hear him moaning in pain, as the fever wracks his body; as his body attacks itself from the inside.  
  
I lived through strangers dieing like that, but if Ryou died like that, I don't think I can survive. I flinch, and as if Ryou's sensing my thoughts of panic, he looks at me, before speaking. "I'll be fine, Bakura. I just need to take some cold medicine. Can you take me home now?" The decision is made for me, when I hear the hint of desperation in his voice.  
  
"Of course," I answer, before slipping him into his jacket. Without thinking, I add mine over his for extra warmth. I make sure he's zipped in tightly before we leave.  
  
*Ryou's POV*  
  
My yami takes me home and I go upstairs to get the cold medicine. I take the suggested dose and change into my pajamas. I'd take a bath but I might fall asleep at any moment, so I'll just shower in the morning.  
  
I walk into my room and see my yami already in his sleep clothes, as we call them, because he refuses to call them pajamas. He's sitting in my bed, and I crawl in beside him. I wish this movement meant what it should, but it doesn't. My heart's beating fast, and I can't keep from thinking of other things this bed could be used for. Thank Kami-sama I closed the link.  
  
What would he think, what would he do, if he knew what I wanted to do to him, with him? I'm not as innocent as one might think I am, just because I'm soft spoken and all. People always jump to conclusions. I'm not inclined to evil deeds, but I'm perfectly capable of thinking dirty thoughts. Thoughts of his sweaty body hovering over mine; thoughts of him squirming beneath me. At the moment though I replace the thoughts of the many things I could do to and with Bakura's body with thoughts of Anzu, just to assure a problem doesn't develop.  
  
My yami wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. As he gently rubs my back, I start to drift away. I'm falling asleep and one thought crosses my mind... 'Yami, aishiteru.'  
  
*****End of Chapter Two*****  
  
WOW! Chapter 2 already. Okay, that's actually no big deal, because I'm working on chapter 3. Almost done, then I can type it! Also, I want to research some things for this ficcy and it's sequel.  
  
What's the sequel to a sequel called, the triquel? I know the full set's called a trilogy, but I never thought about what just the third part's called. I think about the weirdest things. Just so you know, this is my first posted fic but not my first fic written. My first fic was a sailor moon fic and I haven't worked on it sense before Christmas but I know I'll post it eventually, when I do it'll be on hold though. The reason it'll be on hold when I post what I have is that I have major plans for four fics. This is one of them. Then there are 2 or 3 sequels and a twisted fic I came up with. Well I guess that this fic's twisted too, but the one I'm talking about is more twisted...  
  
Too bad you have to wait, because I haven't written it yet. I come up with ideas fast, but if I get stuck on the slightest detail, I really get stuck. I'll have writers block for days. So I'll try my best to not get into sticky situations. I also can't write when I want to die, but sometimes for angsty fics that cold, dead, empty, pained, dark feeling helps my creativity. This fic is dark and all, so I should mostly be fine; I refuse to put myself on a schedule though, so you'll have to deal with waiting. I promise I will keep going, so if I for some reason don't update for months, don't give up on me. If I die or something, I'll have RyouBakuraFan013 stick the news in her fics. Not that I'm going to die, but like the smart people say, 'shit happens'. Love you all. Review: its good for my drastically low ego.  
  
-C.R.B.K.E.  
  
Ryoubakurafan013: Alright, c'mon now. You can review! It's really quite simple: You click the little purple button at the bottom of the screen that says "Go" (but make sure the menu bar is on "Submit Review" first!) and write a few lines about how great Kira is... Aww, c'mon... I'll beg you! ::pouty Ryou eyes:: Please? 


	3. Chapter Three

CRBKE: Ok well after this chapter it will be awhile for chapter four. And seeing as I only have five reviews if anybody who reads this tells their friends to read it too and everyone reviews I'll work harder.  
  
ALL warnings and disclaimers apply  
  
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RYOU'S POV  
  
  
  
I wake up in the morning, feeling perfectly fine, even if I am a little cranky. It's Sunday, so there's no school. I slide out of bed, stretching my arms, before I walk to the bathroom. I step into the shower, after removing my pajamas, and attempt to remove the sick, grimy feeling from my skin.  
  
A quarter of an hour passes, and then I step out of the shower. I dry myself off and reach into the medicine cabinet. I move things around, and pull out an unlabeled bottle of angel dust.  
  
I know I should stop, but the thing is, I'm not sure I want to. I always hear reports on how what I'm doing is wrong, but it feels so right. It feels good, being numb to reality. Not having to think.  
  
Then there's the withdrawal. Without the angel dust, I become socially withdrawn and depressed, more so than before. I become nervous and filled with anxiety. Without the angel dust in my system, I become edgy and violent.  
  
Just last week, I went to school without any angel dust in my system. I became more irritable as the day went on. At the end of the day though, some ass was making fun of the fact that I'm half albino, and I just turned around and punched him in the face. I broke his nose, and the action was so unlike me that whole crowds of people were staring, wide eyed. I believe I heard a few people saying that the quiet ones were always the most dangerous, because you couldn't tell what they were thinking.  
  
So, I open the bottle and take a pill, noting that I'll have to see Akito soon. I'm running out of angel dust, and I need to restock. The only thing I have left is the powder.  
  
Sometimes, I wonder if my father's worried about me. All his money disappears so fast now. Before, I used to refuse to use more than necessary, but now I'm using money from the account all the time.  
  
It's not like he cares enough to call though. He probably wouldn't notice if I died. Well of course he wouldn't - he's in Egypt - but he wouldn't even call to see how I am. No, he doesn't call for anything.  
  
That's one of the things angel dust helps me to forget; that my own father is almost never around. I used to think it meant he didn't love me. I think I know better now, though; I think I remind him of mom. I know I look like her. I remember all the times people said I did.  
  
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she and sis were still around... If I still had a mother. The angel dust helps me stop wishing they were still alive, because I can forget.  
  
I can go numb; to a place where feelings don't exist. I'm empty, but in a good way. I can't feel hurt or sorrow. I don't care that I'm alone. I wish I were feeling that blissful emptiness right now...  
  
  
I didn't take enough angel dust, even though that was the last pill. So I pull out a vile of the powder, drawing a line of it onto my hand mirror and sitting cross-legged on my bed. It's only after I go through the familiar process of inhaling the substance through my nose that I realize the door is open, and in it stands a very shocked yami. "Bakura!"  
  
(AN: I thought of stopping chapter 2 here and leaving a cliffy but I liked the ending I posted better. Then I thought of ending chapter 3 here but decided it was too short so I'm going to be nice and end it later.)  
  
BAKURA'S POV  
  
  
  
I crawl out of bed and creep towards the bathroom [as only a former tomb robber could]. I open the door to check on my light, staring as his lithe body leans over something. I hear him inhale through his nose, before he leans back against the bed wall.  
  
A minute passes before he blinks, looking at me in surprise. "Bakura!" He sounds strangely like a wounded kitten.  
  
"What is that?" I look pointedly at the vile of white powder. I may be a spirit, but I've learned how to work the television. I've seen TV movies where people use the white powder like Ryou did... and die. He doesn't answer and I raise an eyebrow.  
  
"It's nothing, yami." He's nervous, I can tell; I can feel it, even though our bond's not open. There's more though. It smells like... fear. Is he afraid of me, or afraid that I understand what he's doing? Is this his secret?  
  
"It can't be 'nothing'. For it to be nothing, it must not exist." I'm growling now, getting angry. He's lying to me. "Now tell me what it is."  
  
It's a command, and he knows it is, but he surprises me. He stands up and looking straight into my eyes calmly says a single word. "No!" He's daring me to retaliate, to get angry and hit him. Daring me to destroy our newfound trust.  
  
"It's a drug, isn't it?" I'm seething. "Which one is it?" I'm hiding it though. "Should I start guessing, or are you going to stop lying?!" You're hurting me, hikari. "What's it called, damn it!?"  
  
"It doesn't matter." He's looking over his shoulder, and the look on his face is starting to freak ME out. He looks me in the eyes, and I can tell he's scared of something... Something that isn't me.  
  
I frown, staring into his eyes. Besides the fear, they're blank. "What's wrong?" My anger's gone, and it's replaced by worry. It seems that's all I do now; worry about Ryou.  
  
"It's Mary Jane... She won't leave me alone." Okay... this is weird.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Mary Jane. She's a giant pink elephant." He suddenly jumps on me, wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his face in my shoulder. "Make her go away!" Oh shit, he's using the cute voice to ask me to do something I can't.  
  
I wrap my arms around him, leading him to the closet. "Come on lets get you dressed." Yeah, lets get him dressed, so that I don't go insane and take him on the floor. I pull out an outfit and help him slide it on. "It's okay Ryou, but I can't make her go away. You have to stop taking that stuff and she'll disappear." I hope.  
  
"It's called angel dust." How fitting the 'angel' uses angel dust. The dust of angels. It's utterly ironic.  
  
"Okay tenshi, why don't you lay down and I'll find you something to eat." I lead him to the bed and lay him down. I tuck him in and tell him to stay put. What the hell am I going to do?  
  
I think this is one of those situations I've heard about where you need help in order to deal. Where you're supposed to tell someone. Where, as Anzu, Satan's horribly scary mother [don't ask who his father is I'm still deciding who's nasty enough to sleep with her] would say, one should confide in his friends. Lean on them for support, all that lovey dovey crap, that's partially true. [Don't get me wrong; Anzu's still a bitch.]  
  
What do you do if you don't have any friends though? If the only people you know aren't really your friends... What do you do if you're me? Okay that's melodramatic; I have friends, and I don't know them because of Ryou.  
  
Speaking of Ryou, I have to find him food. I walk downstairs and make my way down into the kitchen. Reaching into the pantry, I pull out a box of Fruit Loops. I suppose it'll do. Well, Ryou bought it, so he must like it . I pour him a bowl, adding milk, before taking it up to Ryou.  
  
I open the door and walk up beside the bed, handing Ryou the cereal, and staring as he eats. When did I start watching what he ate? I didn't used to care at all. I remember one time I had this dream where Ryou was standing in the mist, and he kept getting thinner and thinner. Even when he was all skin and bones, it didn't stop, and then he burst into a pile of fine white dust. It was the worst night of my life. I woke up extremely worried and in a cold sweat. All of that, just because I happened to see Ryou with his shirt off.  
  
I have become way obsessive; when the fuck did that happen? It's as if my life has become centered around one thing... Well technically one person, Ryou. When did I stop caring about obtaining the Millennium Items and gaining control over the world? When did I go from heartless to whipped?  
  
No, this is not a confession of being whipped. More like a question of where the cold evil me went. I'm still dark, sadistic, and not all that friendly. Today, however, was the first time in thousands of years I felt like giving up. The first time since early childhood, I felt like crying.  
  
I won't though. I refuse to become weak and break down into tears. No matter how much everything crumbles, I can't cry. I have to be strong. No, I need to be strong... for Ryou.  
  
I need to protect him. Not only is it my duty as his yami, it's what my once frozen heart is telling me to do. Protect Ryou. Protect him from anything. Defend him, help him, and protect him, because I love him. Love him in every way; inside and out, spiritually and physically. A lot of the time, when I'm alone and bored, I think of the fun things we could do together. Surprisingly enough, not all of them involve us having sex [just about three fourths of them]. So, because I love him [a lot], I'll save him from anything [anyone] and everything [everyone], including himself.  
  
He's destroying himself. I can see it... well feel it. It may not be intentional, but every time he takes that so called angel dust, he's playing around with death. Risking his life so often that it's like it's just a game, like living isn't worth it. Like it doesn't matter if he dies.  
  
Later on I'm going to question him. The question that stands out the most though is simply, why? I think I'm starting to understand why it's such a popular question. The need to comprehend often drives people to be incredibly simple.  
  
*****End Chapter Three*****  
  
CRBKE~ Hi darlin's!!! Last night I started writing chapter 4 and then my power went out [again], so I wrote some of it by candlelight until my eyes started to bug me. I only have two-and-a-half pages of chapter 4 done, so it'll be a little bit. I'm getting almost no feedback on this fic, so review and recommend this to your friends. Also, ideas are welcome, but I have most of this fic and the following fics planned out... I do need some ideas for filler material though, that basically means the middle. I have a basic gist and I'll probably play it by ear but the confrontations in either chapter 4 or 5 and eventually there will be a lemon. Probably right after the confrontation, but I'm not sure. Love you all. REVEIW! Please? ::innocent pout:: Next chapter's deep and funny, but I'm not posting it until I'm happy with the amount of reviews I'm getting.  
  
Beta's Notes: Ugh... My computer's supposedly one of the fastest out there, but that does absolutely no good when the power's gone out. We've been having storms and this computer's short-circuited three times in the past two weeks, and it just happened to be when I was beta-ing this... It freaked me out after the third time, because it's like someone up there doesn't want me reading this... TOO BAD! Erm, anywho, I've finally beta-ed this and am ready to post (finally)! So please review!! We're both working on chapters four and five right now!! ~Ryoubakurafan013~ 


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